Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
