he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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