Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
