Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
