HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you never un-have a 4some
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
