Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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