if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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