u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
