K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
