My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
