Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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