you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didn't notice because vodka
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
