Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
