her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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