every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need a beard to bite.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
