Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
