So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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