I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
