2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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