How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
