Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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