So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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