I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
