the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He shit in the fireplace
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
