just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
