you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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