The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
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No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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