On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
