when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
