i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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