this beer tastes like vomit already
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
