I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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