speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
