i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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