im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
