Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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