when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
