That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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