THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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