dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
