im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i now understand why vodka
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
