When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
