he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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