I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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