BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
