I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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