Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
