he thought i was a dude.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
