We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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