Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
