I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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