i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
