im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
