We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
