I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
