I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
