Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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