What a fucking waste of an outfit
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
