I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
