I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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