So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
