he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
