I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
