My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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