I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
