My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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